Reflect back to show you're really listening
Reflecting what a client says — in your own words — demonstrates genuine understanding and encourages deeper exploration.
Why this matters
Most people talk to be heard. When clients feel heard, they open up; when they feel managed, they shut down. Reflective listening is deceptively simple: restate what the client just said, slightly paraphrased, to signal you understood and to give them a chance to correct or deepen it.
A reflection is not a parrot impression — it's an educated guess at the meaning behind the words, delivered as a statement (not a question). The client then has space to confirm, correct, or expand.
In practice
Client: "I just don't have the energy to go to the gym after work." Closed response: "So you're too tired?" (implies laziness). Reflective response: "It sounds like by the end of the day, the gym feels like one demand too many." Client: "Exactly — and it's not just the gym, everything feels like that lately." The reflection opened a conversation about burnout, not just gym attendance.
Source: Egan, G. (2019). The Skilled Helper (11th ed.). Cengage Learning.
Try it today
In your next session, after each client statement, pause for two seconds and offer a simple reflection before responding. Count how often the client says "Exactly" or "Yes" — that's confirmation you got it right.
Make it a habit
Record one session per week (with consent) and listen back, marking every time you asked a question when a reflection would have served better.
Ready to put this into practice?
Sticky Coach helps you track client habits and conversations — so nothing falls through the cracks.
More tips
Use open questions to unlock client insight
Replacing closed yes/no questions with open questions invites clients to explore their own thinking, uncovering goals, barriers, and readiness for change.
Read tip →Roll with resistance instead of pushing harder
When clients push back, arguing back makes it worse — stepping back and acknowledging their perspective keeps the door open for change.
Read tip →Elicit change talk by asking for elaboration
When a client expresses any desire, ability, reason, or need to change, asking them to "tell you more" amplifies that motivation.
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